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Becoming a mom is of course going to be full of ups and downs. With motherhood comes joy and challenges. I thought I knew what I was getting into.
I was more prepared than most.
Some people don’t change a diaper until they have their own child, not me, I was experienced.
My overconfidence led to feeling inadequate during early motherhood. In all honesty it was harder than I expected.
I thought I was well-prepared, but there were aspects of motherhood that no one warned me about.
Let’s dive into 10 things no one tells you about becoming a mom.
#1 How Hard Can Motherhood Be?
Honestly how hard it can be?
My mom ran an in-home daycare during my entire life at home. I babysat for years and years before becoming a mom. I have been a nanny for 10 years. Yet, I still wasn’t fully prepared for how difficult it can be as a parent.
Maybe I thought I knew more than most going into it and was overconfident.
Maybe I was used to getting paid for my work and getting to clock out.
No matter the situation I found it hard. Especially in the beginning with my first child.
And this is not to say my first child was difficult at all. I honestly think she was a very normal baby and toddler.
With the birth of my second child, things got easier with my growing experience.
No one likes to admit that being a parent is hard. It is a lot of work.
Some of my next points are going to break down what it is exactly that is hard.
#2 Breastfeeding: Lack of Practical Knowledge
I wasn’t told much about breastfeeding by people in my life.
I knew my mom breastfed us as children. But no one talks about breastfeeding casually. I wasn’t getting practical tips or information.
And I don’t just mean once the baby was born.
In life in general, you don’t hear much about it.
I would have loved to be more educated on breastfeeding before even falling pregnant.
The Top 17 Advantages of Direct Breastfeeding Over Bottle Feeding
Once pregnant, I put a lot of effort into learning as much as possible when it came to breastfeeding.
I learned a lot of it from YouTube. If YouTube wasn’t around, I don’t know if I would have been successful in breastfeeding.
This sounds crazy, but the ability to hear from so many different moms and professionals allowed me to navigate all of those strategies and opinions.
I made notes based on what I thought would work for me.
I went so far as to print a little cheat sheet before my baby was born and put it in my breastfeeding basket.
This was an area where no one prepared me, but I did take the time and effort to prepare myself.
You can grab a copy of that cheat sheet BELOW to print out yourself!
#3 The Overwhelming Commitment & Lack of Freedom
No one tells you how much of a commitment motherhood is.
I think no one says it because it is quite obvious. You give birth to a baby, and it is your responsibility to care for it. Case closed.
Having a child truly is the biggest commitment you will ever make.
I know some people would argue your spouse is your biggest commitment, but it is different. Your spouse isn’t fully dependent on you. It is a partnership.
Your child needs so much from you.
I felt this strong commitment while breastfeeding. I let my babies get to the point of no longer taking a bottle.
Therefore, I had to see breastfeeding through.
At times I felt I couldn’t get a break.
You aren’t just your simple old self anymore. You are a parent and that comes with constant responsibility. At times it can feel like a lack of freedom.
When you have a child, you go from primarily caring about yourself. Looking back, it almost feels selfish.
Then you have a baby, and it can feel like they take over your life. You aren’t free to do whatever you want.
Now of course I am not saying life is over and you can’t do anything. You can, but it requires more work, steps, and planning.
You have to think of them before yourself.
You want to grab brunch with a friend Saturday morning, great! A baby shouldn’t stop you from living your life. Before the baby, you would just go. Now with a baby, you have to decide if you are taking them with you, leaving them with your spouse, or finding a sitter if necessary. If you take them with you, packing up some items is a must. Do you want to take the stroller in or will it be too crowded?
Having a baby changes things. It is a huge commitment and can feel like a loss of freedom.
#4 You Are Always On: The Mental Side of Parenting
You don’t get to shut off being a parent. Yes, you can use babysitters, take date nights, and even take trips away from your child, but still, you can’t NOT be a parent once you become one.
The connection is always there.
You may be worried that they will miss you. You have to think about what time you need to pick them up or get back home.
If they get sick at daycare you need to have your phone on you to receive the call to come pick them up.
Your child comes with physical work and commitment, but I think the mental load is often overlooked.
I believe mentally our children always occupy a part of our minds.
This will also continue even when they are out of the house.
They may eventually leave and you become empty-nesters, but I believe a part of your heart goes with them.
You can’t turn off your love and emotions towards your child.
Having children is of course a joy and what we want, but it is also heavy at times. It is heavy to care so much for these children that you do your best to raise them and then have to trust them to go off and do right in the world.
#5 Unbelievable Love & Joy in Parenting
It is crazy how much joy you can find in the little things your children do.
It can be a baby giggle or a little toddler dance.
You could be completely exhausted from the day, frustrated with your kids, and yet still you love these little beings more than anything in the world.
I do think people try to tell you of this huge joy, but you can’t understand it until you experience it for yourself.
One practical piece of advice I would give is to make sure to not only get pictures but get videos of your little ones.
Something about a video takes you back to that moment..
Get videos when they start talking. Their voice will change a ton from being a 2/3-year-old to a 4/5-year-old.
Capture the evolution.
You can never go back in time to capture more memories.
#6 Some Days are Easy, And Some Days are Hard
Why is it that you can follow the EXACT same schedule and one day is easy, while the next is hard?
If you are a stay-at-home mom, one day you can feel on top of the home and family, everything is running smoothly, while the next you are putting out fires and struggling to maintain your mental health.
Some days it is easy and other days it is hard.
One trip to a restaurant may be smooth sailing, while the next is a complete disaster.
Obviously, we work with our children constantly teaching them manners and proper behavior, but they can be unpredictable.
It can be a struggle in the morning with the desire to have the perfect day when in reality the perfect day rarely happens.
Having a child means you have to learn to let go of perfection instead of constantly chasing it.
No one told me I would be a much happier mother if I learned to go with the flow more and expect a little less.
#7 External Factors Hit You More
I was never told how external factors, meaning things out of my control, would affect my day.
For example, if it is raining, I am going to skip the grocery store. I would prefer not to be caught loading and unloading children and groceries in the rain.
Buckling and unbuckling those car seats. It is way more effort and the rain is way more inconvenient with children.
Your life may now revolve more around nap time than you ever expected. Maybe you want to go somewhere but the drive is long and likely your little one will fall asleep which will then ruin their naptime at home.
You learn that nap time is your break time and very important to you.
Before having children there were external factors that affected my day.
For example, an accident on the highway would make my drive home longer. However, this was simply a bummer. It took more of my time.
Now it causes me a heap of stress. You have the concern of making it to daycare pick-up on time.
Or if your child is in the car with you the stress of how they are going to handle the extended drive time.
Life threw you curve balls before children, but it was easier to handle them.
#8 Parenting is a Million Little Choices
You go into motherhood thinking I am going to be a good parent. It is as simple as that.
In reality, though you can’t just pick a parenting style and be perfect out the gate.
Parenting is made up of a million little choices.
The million little choices can range from how to handle a situation to the time and attention you give your child.
It is very easy to observe in other parents. Passing judgment. Especially before having children.
Once you become a parent you realize there isn’t all that much accountability. No one is watching closely how you live your life.
Do you read one book a week to your child or 3 books every night?
No one is counting for you. But your million little choices add up to the child that is created. Are you fostering a love for reading? Are you creating a lifelong learner?
You have to make the choices to put in the effort.
You have to constantly strive to be better.
You need to take a step back and look at your parenting and decide if you are being the parent you want to be.
Do you speak to your child the way you want to?
Do you teach them the things they need to know?
Are you creating the relationship you desire?
Do you provide them with a daily example of how to be the best version of themselves?
Parenting is a million little choices.
These million little choices add up to the actual parent you are.
#9 Don’t Use Children as an Excuse
I have done what may sound like a lot of complaining. Children are a huge commitment, they steal your mental space, and so on.
At the end of the day though we should not use our children as an excuse. It is not fair to them. They didn’t decide to come into this world, we brought them here.
If I say, I can’t go to the gym because I have children that is a flat-out lie. Plenty of moms go to the gym with children. The reality is I am not making time or space for the gym. I am not prioritizing it!
When we have children, we are no longer the main character at times, however, we do need to keep living our lives.
You just have to make time for yourself and make small choices to still care for yourself.
It can be done, and you should not use your children as an excuse.
That is not creating a healthy relationship. I do not want the basis of my relationship with my children to be one of resentment.
No one teaches exactly how to juggle caring for yourself and your children. There is no guide to tell you the exact balance. It is something you have to learn on your own and evolve over time and with the seasons of life.
#10 It Is Their Day Too
It isn’t just your day. It is their day too
At times I would focus so much on MY day and what I wanted or needed to accomplish.
I saw some posts on Instagram saying things like “It’s not just your day. It’s their day too.”
Or “It may be an average day for you, but today is their childhood.”
Things of this sentiment.
This hit me in multiple ways.
First off, I am not the main character of my day.
Now I won’t say they are either. I don’t think my day needs to completely revolve around my child. I think it is a give-and-take, especially depending on their age.
What I mean though is I can’t always do exactly what I want and neither can they.
This sounds somewhat depressing like we are both going to be unhappy.
The goal of course is to find the TIME to meet BOTH of our needs throughout the day.
Sometimes this happens and other times it does not.
The second main thought from those posts was the idea that these boring times or mundane days are their childhood. These are the days they are going to look back on.
I remember some amazing times from my childhood and want to make sure my children can do the same.
Great times do not have to involve spending money or blowing our budget either. I recently found a discount gingerbread house at the grocery store. It was January and marked down to $0.75. I snagged that and my toddler got to make her first little gingerbread house. That was a memory and she had no care in the world that it was January rather than December!
No one reminded me that when I am tired, frustrated, exhausted, and worn out, that these days are making up their childhood. It is up to me to set the tone of those childhood memories.
Conclusion
I don’t say all this to scare you out of having children. I say it more as what to think and prepare for in advance.
Going into a new phase of life with proper expectations will help you adjust to them, rather than fight them.
Having children is a huge change in your life, that should seem obvious right? But there is always more to the story.
I hope these 10 things I learned about being a mom made you stop and think.
Maybe you are pregnant and trying to prepare. Maybe you are a parent of multiple children and need a refresh.
Whatever the case we should always be growing and learning as parents.
What huge realizations have you come to as a parent?
What things have you learned that no one prepared you for?
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