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Deciding on the perfect age gap between your children can be quite tricky. Some people can control exactly when they get pregnant down to the tee.
I have known teachers who intentionally have a baby in May so they can spend the summer with their new baby.
Other people are not quite able to nail down when they will conceive. Some people are blessed with happy accidents and others struggle for months to get pregnant.
No matter your exact situation we are going to discuss some of the pros and cons of varying age gaps between children.
My Experience with 2.5-Year Age Gap
I am first going to talk about my experience with my children having a 2.5-year age gap.
In the months leading up to baby #2, we had a few important decisions to make.
Are we going to potty train our toddler before baby’s arrival and are we going to transition them to a big bed or get a second crib? Another debate was, do we need a double stroller?
These are difficult decisions!
With potty training, we decided to wait. I have heard that toddlers sometimes regress after a new baby comes home. It was important to us to potty train once and be successful the first time around.
What I would recommend is to consider potty training your toddler when your maternity leave is coming to an end. By this time you are hopefully feeling much better and settling into a good routine. You are off work (if you are typically a working mom) and able to focus on your toddler at home for multiple days in a row. Depending on your situation your husband could be off work with you or maybe take a few days off.
Our second big decision was whether to get a second crib or not. At 2.5 some kiddos are still in a crib and others have moved on to a toddler bed. Our toddler was still enjoying life in the crib. My sister offered us her extra crib, so that problem was quickly solved.
If you went the convertible crib route you are likely going to need another crib. This is why I do not recommend getting convertible cribs. Yes, they grow with that one child, but they do not work for the next baby. My Top Reasons Why I Will Never Buy a Convertible Baby Crib
And finally, we used a second-hand double stroller for a family member. It wasn’t the nicest stroller, but it worked for that first summer with 2 kids. Moving forward I think we are going to get a wagon.
There are a couple of quick pros to this age gap. When you go out in public your toddler is old enough to safely walk with you in parking lots, while you carry the baby.
Your toddler is also old enough to understand general safety around the baby. I am not saying you can trust them completely. But they should in general understand not to hit them or squish them when on the ground.
The cons to the age gap are just the decisions that you have to make. They are far enough apart in age that you may not need the second crib or the double stroller, but also close enough that you just might want them. You could potty train and only have one child in diapers at a time, or find you experience some overlap.
It is hard to know if your 2½-year-old will go up or down in maturity when the new baby arrives. That development will greatly impact some of your decisions.
Smaller Age Gap
Let’s talk about what comes with a smaller gap between children. This could be anywhere from 11 months to just under 2.5 years.
If you are closer to the 11-month gap you basically have two babies. It is like twins, but they are in slightly different places.
The pros are that you and your home are fully in baby mode with nap times, feedings, and car seats.
The cons are that you are juggling two babies. This could be especially difficult out in public. You cannot expect your older child to safely walk beside you at 11, 12, or 13 months while you are holding the baby.
You are very likely going to want to invest in a double stroller, as well as another baby crib.
Your older baby is not going to understand safety around the new baby. They could fall on the baby or squish them. They may try to play with them and bop them with toys.
You are going to have to watch their interactions VERY closely.
Another challenge may be jealousy and general needs. Your older baby is still going to need a lot of attention. They are going to want cuddles and rocks, but you have another baby to care for.
You may struggle to get one baby down for a nap when the other needs your attention or is fussing.
You are going to have your hands full at times.
One negative about close age gaps is you have less time to work with your first child individually. By the time we had our 2nd child, we had plenty of time to work with our first on things like table manners and independently putting on their shoes. For help on table manners checkout Drastically Improve Your Toddler’s Table Manners with these 5 Tips.
If you have babies very close together you will not have as much individual time to invest in your first child.
Some beautiful positives to a close age gap are that these two little kiddos are going to likely be best buds. They are going to grow up together.
You may even hold off on certain actions for baby #1 and wait for both kids to do it at the same time.
For example, you may potty train both kids at the same time or teach them to ride a bike at the same time.
The further apart you go on this gap to closer to run into what I covered in the 2.5-year gap.
If you hit the 2-years age gap you may not be as worried about safety while playing on the floor, or having to carry them both into stores.
I will say one negative/positive of the 2 year gap is their birthdays fall close together. Some people like having a one-time birthday season, while others would rather them be spaced throughout the year.
Close gaps between your children can be amazing, but can also be a lot of work. Your children will likely have a strong bond and closeness as they grow up.
Larger Age Gap
Now we are talking about anything over 2.5 years. This could be 3, 4, 5, or even beyond that.
Let’s first talk about some pros of a larger age gap. Your first child is going to have a decent level of independence. They ideally will have mastered quite a few skills.
You will ideally only have one kid in diapers at a time, one crib, and only need a single stroller. The only issue is if you kept everything or got rid of it. If so you may find yourself needing to buy a lot of baby products.
The single stroller we loved was a Graco Jogger. You can read all about it here, Is the Graco FastAction Fold Jogger Travel System Worth the Investment?
Your older child could be in preschool part-time or even in full-time school at this point. If this is your situation you will get a lot of time to focus on your new baby. It is almost like having your first baby all over again.
You will get great bonding time with baby #2 because #1 is so independent.
A con to a larger age gap is that you are basically starting all over again. This means you are going back to diapers and nap time.
It really depends on your perspective with the large age gap. Some people love it and others simply don’t get it. Most people in my personal life have children close together so it is a bit difficult for me to relate. I think often with a larger gap your children develop a different bond. The older may feel more like a caretaker than a friend.
Conclusion
There is no perfect age gap. I hope the pros and cons have given you some things to think about in your family planning journey.
I also realize some people can get their fertility down to a science and plan it all out, while others are thankful to even get pregnant at all and have zero concerns about the gap between children.
Every family will have different needs and preferences. You will either plan what you think will work best for your family or make the most of the gap you are given.
Good luck with your family planning and the world of multiple children!
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