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Being a Mom is Harder than I Thought
I can honestly say being a mom is harder than I thought it would be. I wasn’t naïve going into it. I knew the work that goes into it.
I have babysat and nannied for most of my life. I’ve done dinner with toddler twins. I have given a bath to a 2-year-old while keeping an eye on a 4-month-old. I’ve watched 7 kids all at once during a bible study. (parents were available to step in if needed).
I’ve tackled a lot.
The key difference though. I was paid and I got to go home at the end of the night. I went back to just caring for myself.
Those jobs were short-term responsibilities. Once they were completed the child or children were off my mind. I went back to my own life.
Once you are a mom you don’t get to shut it off. You may get a break when your child is in the care of others, but they always come back to you. They are always your responsibility. You always love them, worry about them, and think about them.
I don’t mean to sounds crazy, but they really are your life. It is a full-time commitment.
I was ready to become a mom when I had my daughter. I just didn’t realize exactly how much emotional weight comes with a baby. The anxiety, the fear, the constant worry about them. It is a lot to handle.
To be fair there are many ups and downs with parenting.
The hard can come in phases. Teething or sleep regression is difficult, but man when they have those first giggles or take those first steps you are overjoyed. You have to work through the low points to truly appreciate the high points.
I am thankful to be a mom and have those huge joys. I just never truly knew how hard it would be.
Breastfeeding
I am thankful for my experience of breastfeeding. I was able to wean my daughter just before she turned 14 months old. Some moms would love to do this and are unable. I am grateful I was able to do so. I was able to quit on my own terms.
However, on the flip side, I knew breastfeeding was a commitment. My daughter got to the point where she would not take a bottle. You can check out my full article on Why I Regret with Exclusively Breastfeeding to read more about this. I made the decision continue with breastfeeding her rather than struggle with the late introduction of the bottle.
This was a huge commitment.
My daughter was counting on me. She needed me.
I nursed her to bed every night.
We didn’t go out on date nights.
I spent 9 months pregnant and then nearly 14 months nursing. My body was being shared. I willingly shared my body for that length of time. But it was hard!
This is a beautiful thing. I intend to breastfeed my next child. I don’t regret it. Just because it was difficult does not mean it wasn’t worth it.
Nearly two years of sharing my body with this little girl, though an amazing experience was hard.
I didn’t know going into parenthood just how hard it would be.
Would I do it again for her in a heartbeat? Yes.
Does that mean it was seamlessly easy? No.
I had plenty of moments of just wanting to be me again. Just wanting my body to be normal again.
I want to let you know that if you feel this way you are not alone.
It does not mean you are selfish.
It is almost like you are mourning your old self and your old life before you had a baby. You and your life change when you have a baby.
I challenge you to find moments that you are you again. Maybe you wake up twenty minutes before your baby. Read a book, do some journaling, spend time meditating. Do something that you are choosing to do for yourself. Take control of this time for youself.
Perfection
You will never be perfect.
Perfect does not exist, and even if it did perfect would ruin your child.
If you give your child a perfect life they don’t learn how to push through struggles. They don’t learn how to get up when they fall. They will not know how to cope with the varying opinions in the world.
One area that went great for me this first year was breastfeeding. It was honestly easy for me to do.
The area I struggled with most was getting our sweet baby girl to nap. I tried so many things. I exhausted myself in this area. This year I learned that you can’t win them all. You are going to struggle with something.
Don’t give your child perfection.
Quit trying.
Give yourself a break.
Allow Others to Help
Don’t feel like you have to be super mom. It is ok for your baby to be in the care of others. You don’t have to do it all!
Let dad help.
Let grandparents help.
Hire help when needed.
Daycare and babysitters can be great for your child. It helps them learn to be with other adults, listen, and be flexible.
No one will handle your baby exactly how you do. This can be scary. You want them to handle it just as you would.
When your baby gets older they will not spend their entire life with you. They need to learn to be around others. Follow different rules. Roll with different situations. They have to learn to be flexible.
Don’t feel like you have to give up every moment of your life to care for your baby. You can get help and take moments to yourself.
Don’t let the mom guilt get to you.
Take breaks when you need them.
Establish Boundaries
During this first year of being a mom, I learned how to set boundaries. This is often most important with grandparents. They want to love on their grandbabies so much and it is easy for them to get carried away.
No amount of time is ever enough. They always want to be around their grandbabies. But sometimes you want to do things as a small family unit.
Talk about things before they come up. Give them the plan, rather than waiting for the moment to just happen.
This goes all the way back to when our daughter was born. We prepared the grandparents for certain specific things we wanted. For example, when we came home from the hospital we wanted it to be as a family of three. No visitors were to come that first day. No grandparents were to be waiting at the house.
The grandparents were totally cool with this! They were great!
Now think about this if we didn’t have the conversation ahead of time.
We pull in our driveway and grandparents are there wanting another chance to see their sweet grandbaby. Then we tell them to leave. How is that going to play out well? Emotions will be running high and this is no time to leave it up to chance.
Run through plans ahead of time to make for the best memories possible.
You don’t want drama on a big day.
This general idea can be carried over into other situations! Consider all holidays and birthdays.
My mother-in-law makes delicious cakes. We asked her to make H’s baptism cake, which was beautiful! We appreciated that so much! I told her ahead of time that I would be making H’s first birthday cake though. That was something I wanted to do as her momma.
My mom talked about a baby doll for H. I made it clear to her that this was a gift we intended to get H.
If you let them know what is going on they are happy to go along with it.
Keep that communication open!
Less is Best
I do not consider myself a shopper or a consumer. I am also not to the extreme of a minimalist. I am somewhere in the middle with thrifty, practical, and anti-clutter.
This first year of being a mom taught me the major lesson of less is best.
I think I always knew this and applied it, but I see now where it worked and how I could have used it even more.
For example baby clothes.
If you are given hand-me-downs only keep the ones you love. If you aren’t sure you like it you won’t dress your baby in it.
The baby clothes I kept (just in case) were NEVER worn! My only exception to this is pajamas. I’ll keep ugly pajamas because who cares what they sleep in!
Pro-tip: Get comfortable jeans for boys or jeggings for girls. Avoid stiff jeans. Comfy jeans are great. They match everything. Get a handful in every size!
Along the same lines of less, is waiting to buy duplicates. Wait until you know you like something before stocking up. For example, try a normal size baby lotion before going all-in on the bulk size.
Less can also mean simplification.
Have fewer steps in your bedtime routine. You will thank yourself later when you have to keep it up night after night. Keep it short, sweet, and simple.
Live with less. Have less stuff. Take fewer steps. Keep things as simple as possible. Your first year as a mom is difficult enough. Trust me!
My Journey
I have always wanted to be a mom. I don’t have strong career aspirations, never have. Being a mom was most important to me. Becoming a mom is the best thing I have ever done.
Never has my life been so deeply changed.
As for my journey, it is ever-changing. I am constantly growing as a mom. I have learned so much this first year.
I am less selfish and yet more selfish than ever.
I am less selfish in that my baby’s needs often come before my own, which is how it often should be. But I am also more selfish in that when I get a chance to go grocery shopping by myself you can count on me to take my time and enjoy my break.
Find balance. Figure out who you are.
I am now mom, but I am still Amanda. I am not the old Amanda though.
I am Amanda the mom.
Honestly, I still have moments that I can’t believe I am a mom.
One thing my husband and I have focused on during this first year of our daughter’s life is to enjoy the now. We try not to look ahead. I can’t wait until she can walk. I can’t wait until she can talk.
Have we said these things? Yes, of course at times. But we make a genuine effort to enjoy where we currently are in her development.
My Daughter
I love the crap out of this kid even when she drives me crazy. She is the best part of my life. Watching her grow up is an absolute privilege.
She brings so much joy to our home. If you’re bored, just wait five minutes for the next things she is going to do.
The number of milestones your baby hits during their first year is amazing. There are way more than you realize before you have a baby.
Someone may ask you if they can rollover. Your answer may be yes, they can roll from belly to back, but they haven’t yet mastered back to belly. A nonparent probably doesn’t realize that yes, there is a difference!
Can your baby stand? Well does that mean along the couch or in the middle of the room? You can break down every milestone into about a hundred little baby steps.
It is amazing.
It is crazy for me to reflect on the fact we have one year down. One out of eighteen years already gone. It is so sad to think about, but we have so much to look forward to in the future.
Next year will be even better than the first.
Mommas, I hope this helps you learn to relax and enjoy your first year as a mom. It is a crazy ride.
Remember:
Love on your babies
Don’t sweat the small stuff
You can’t be good at everything
You can’t win them all
Give yourself grace
Don’t forget to take care of yourself
You can always do more than you think you can.
Comment down before the biggest thing you learned your first year as a mom!
Check Out My Articles
The Ultimate Guide to Baby Care: 8 Essential Tips for New Parents
7 Smart Ways to Cut Costs and Save Money when having a Baby
10 Simple but Effective Tips for a Fun and Stress-Free Baby Bath Time