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At some point, it sinks in that your child has food allergies. Your mind goes in a million directions.
Fear
You cannot help but fear for your child. Who can I leave them with? Am I hurting them by introducing new foods? Is this going to be the food that sends them to the emergency room?
Fear is normal. The only way to combat is with education. Educate yourself and always have a plan.
Learning gives you a sense of control. Figure out how to read ingredient labels. Start watching where cross-contamination may occur. Discover which restaurants are allergy-friendly.
Have a plan for different situations. This may mean packing your food or calling ahead to check on food arrangements.
Fear leads you to always knowing where the nearest hospital is. Fear makes you limit your child’s diet.
Don’t let fear hold your child back. Learn and implement a plan.
Future
What will happen when birthday parties start?
Will my child stand out?
When my child goes to grandma’s they won’t get the same cookie or treat as the other grandkids.
Are we going to be an inconvenience to everyone?
Is this forever or will they outgrow this?
When you realize your child has allergies you start to think of all the future scenarios that it will impact.
Please don’t overthink it, because you will learn along the way. You will figure out how to navigate situations as they arise.
If your mind is spinning start thinking of small things you can do to make their future better.
For example, find a cookie dough recipe that is safe for your child. Maybe that means egg, dairy, or peanut butter free. Make that cookie dough yourself at home and test it with your child. Freeze some of the cookie dough in small batches.
Now if a random party arises you can throw them in the oven and in 20 minutes you have something appropriate to take for your child. If you are willing and able make a whole batch to share with everyone. By allowing everyone to share in the same thing your child stands out less.
When you go to a family member’s house or grandma’s house bring an appropriate snack or treat for your child. But instead of keeping it off to the side special for your child put the container in the pantry. Then the host can offer then the snack like they would any other child.
I want to share with you our experience months after writing this article. Check out Is there a Chance my Baby will Outgrow Their Food Allergies One Day?
Failure
You are going to feel like a failure while you are figuring out this whole allergy thing.
You are going to cause your child to suffer from reactions.
You are likely going to serve them the same few foods way too frequently.
You may feel you are causing them to become a picky eater.
You are going to forget to read a label.
Give yourself grace. Mistakes, accidents, or even laziness will happen. Take it one day at a time. You will learn along the way and things will get easier.
Restrictions
No.
You can’t have that.
How many times will my child get told no…when they didn’t even do anything wrong. They simply can’t participate in a meal or a snack because they have allergies.
How many times will they be told no?
When you go to the carnival with your nieces and nephews and everyone wants to stop for ice cream, but your child has a dairy allergy.
What happens?
Does everyone feel awkward and decide to skip getting ice cream, upsetting all the other kids? Do you have snacks packed in your bag that just your child gets? Do you run over to another place and get them something just for them? Will the other kids then get jealous of what your child has? Do you always pack enough to share with everyone?
How do you navigate the restrictions that your child’s allergy places on food?
Food is a huge part of so many cultures. It’s what people go for in mourning or celebration. It’s what people do for entertainment or boredom.
It’s all the small things.
How about corn…that should be safe…oh but did they put butter in it? What about deli meat…that should be safe…was it cut on the same slicer as the cheese? Will my kid ever eat a casserole without me completely analyzing every ingredient that may have gone into it?
When your family member thinks, “oh they can have that.” But then you have to kill it with a no….they can’t.
Avoid the no.
As your child gets older try to explain their allergy in a way that makes sense to them. Just saying no is hard for them to accept. Try explaining to them that the food they desire will cause their tummy to hurt or it will make them itchy.
On an occasion when they do have an allergic reaction talk them through what is happening and why it is happening. Help them remember why it doesn’t feel good to have that particular food.
Your child unfortunately will get used to hearing, “no you can’t eat that.” Which stinks.
Be Prepared
It is your job to be prepared. You are the parent and this is your child. It is not everyone else’s responsibility to navigate any given scenario.
First and foremost, you should be prepared for anything to go wrong. You have whatever medication is necessary in the event of a reaction.
When it comes to meals and snacks you must know what you are going into. You are going to have to keep things on hand to take with you. It’s is better to be prepared than to always be scrambling.
If you have people in your life who regularly care for your child provide them with plenty of food options. If you frequently take them over to a friend or cousin’s home and they are willing to store a particular snack in their pantry provide them with it.
For those frequent friends, family members, and caregivers create a simple list of common food they could have on hand to feed your child. For example goldfish, peanut butter and jelly, applesauce, a certain type of chips, or crackers.
We had a grandma already asked what fun snack she can keep on hand for our daughter and she is only one year old.
It is your job to be prepared. You are the parent. But when others want to help out and have food that is safe for your child let them. It can make them feel good.
Educate
You must educate yourself. You cannot help your child or others who love your child if you yourself do not know what to do.
Some people may not take the allergy seriously. If people are not willing to learn then you make it clear they may not feed your child anything or nothing beyond what you have packed for them.
Others may want to learn. Educate them! Teach them how to read labels. And encourage them to ask whenever they have a concern or question.
Appreciate that they love your child and what to be able to help in caring for them.
As a parent sometimes you need a break. Sometimes you need time away from your child. Educate those who care for your child and you will be able to be away from them without constant fear and worry.
Conclusion
Coming to terms with the reality your child has food allergies is hard. Then as you think of the repercussions and it only gets harder.
Get the support you need. Talk to your pediatrician, talk to your allergist, and join groups with other parents. Keep learning and doing your best.
Don’t let the obstacle of fear, future, and failure stand in your way. You will learn how to create the best life possible for your child despite their allergies trying to get in the way.
You are a great parent. You are doing your best to navigate your new reality. You can do this.
Check Out My Articles
How to Figure Out if My Baby Has Allergies
How Food Journaling Can Help Determine if Your Baby has Allergies
How to Safely Introduce New Foods to Your Child with Allergies
