This post may contain affiliate links. That means if you click on the link and purchase an item, I will receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Please read my disclosure for more information.
You should always seek medical advice from a physician or other qualified health provider for any questions pertaining to breastfeeding and milk storage. Any information found in this post, on this blog, and shared on any resources created by Mom Wife and Everyday Life is based on my personal experience as a mom and should not be taken as professional advice. The contents of this website are for general informational purposes.
Having a baby is hard. Breastfeeding is hard. Yet both are completely awesome!
As a first-time momma, you learn so much along the way. My experience with exclusively breastfeeding was the most insightful of my life.
I learned what it means for someone to truly be dependent on you. I also learned how I reacted to this commitment. And let me tell you it was hard.
My Journey Exclusively Breastfeeding
When my daughter was born my number one priority was to focus on establishing breastfeeding. I tried not to put pressure on myself. If it didn’t work out that would be ok.
However, I did want it to work and put energy and focus on establishing a good latch and giving it our best go.
I did my research beforehand. I was prepared with lists of tips and tricks in case we hit any bumps along the way.
When I say exclusively breastfeed I suppose I should clarify exactly what we did. My daughter “H” was 99.9% breastfeed only up until we started solids.
While at the hospital I was offered formula to help get her excited to latch. I debated doing this, but my priority was to get her going. I put a few dropping of formula on my nipple to give her a taste and try to get her nursing. I don’t regret this at all. Formula is not the enemy.
I know it was just a few drops, but I want to be transparent. I can’t say she was 100% breastfed and be honest.
H was always on the breast, then when she was about two weeks old my husband attempted to give her a bottle. We used a slow flow and it was pumped breast milk, but for whatever reason, she spit up, but it was more like vomiting. It seemed rough on her and scared us into waiting a while to try again.
At around 2 months old we went out to celebrate my husband’s 30th birthday and left H with my mom. My mom fed her multiple bottles that evening successfully. This was my first time being away from her for a feeding.
Then again we left H with my sister for a quick lunch date. She had one bottle of breastmilk then.
That’s it. Every other feeding has been straight off the tap.
My 5 Reasons for Breastfeeding
I had it in my mind that it was best if H directly breastfed from momma. There is so much research and information out there. I went crazy consuming it. These are my five reasons why I breastfed H.
1. Fear of Messing Up My Supply
I had a huge fear of skipping feedings and messing up my supply if I pumped or did formula. I realize while H received a bottle I could have pumped to make up for that feeding, but I wasn’t sure if it would be the same.
My basic understanding of breastfeeding was supply equals demand. Disrupting the natural process was my biggest fear.
2. Sticking with a Good Latch
Nipple confusion is something you read about everywhere. It is made out to be this huge thing. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.
I was terrified that H would only want the bottle once it was introduced. Typically the bottle is an easier flow, meaning the milk comes out quicker. Less work could make my baby get lazy and refuse the boob.
Am I crazy for thinking this…IDK, but when you just gave birth your hormones are a mess and you just want to get everything right.
3. Less Work
I didn’t want to pump and bottle feed because that was double handing. I didn’t want to “waste” time pumping, then have to clean the pump, and also have to wash the bottle H used.
Call me lazy, but this just felt practical. On top of that, I used fewer milk bags. Which is money saving I suppose.
4. My Baby was Always with Me
H was always with me. In the first year of H’s life, the amount of times she has been away from me long enough to need a feeding is less than the fingers on my hands. Meaning yes, I left her for an hour or two to run an errand or go grocery shopping. I just made it back in time to feed her.
I am also so blessed to be able to take H to work with me as a private nanny. Breastfeeding just made sense for our lifestyle. She was always with me!
And on top of that with Covid-19 going on during her first year of life we didn’t exactly have a huge need for a babysitter…nowhere to go most of the year.
5. I Wanted to be Needed
I exclusively breastfed because I wanted to be needed. I wanted to be a super mom. I did it for selfish reasons. I don’t know if any post I have ever read listed this as a reason to breastfeed. But after a while this realization hit me.
The idea of giving her a bottle bothered me. Not because I think bottles or formula are bad, I truly don’t. It just made me feel like I wasn’t doing my job. It was me chasing this idea of perfection.
Those five reasons listed above are why it was important that I breastfed H directly from my body. There were other reasons to breastfeed such as money savings and health benefits for baby. Those can be achieved by pumping though. I specifically am focusing on physically breastfeeding my baby and my reasons for taking that specific route.
Why I Regret Exclusively Breastfeeding:
Now, to the juicy part. Why do I regret exclusively breastfeeding my baby?
I’m Tired
I regret it because I am exhausted. I regret it because I am touched out. I regret it because of my mental health.
Having a baby is a huge change in your life. You go from taking care of yourself, to always putting your baby first. This is great, but sometimes you just need to be you.
I’m just tired of doing it. And sometimes want a break.
I’m Stuck
I am not going to put her through the trauma of expecting her to figure it out with a bottle. Not at this point.
At nine months in I feel like I need to finish it out with her and wean around a year. I created this situation of her being completely reliant on me so I need to keep up my end.
Now I am stuck. I can’t leave her.
I Don’t Get a Break
H basically can’t take a bottle. She refuses it. Leaving her with family or a babysitter for an extended amount of time is not an option.
As we continue to introduce more solid meals hopefully my time away can continue to lengthen.
Introducing the Sippy Cup
We are currently in the process of trying to introduce the sippy cup to H. With her being my first child I don’t know for sure, but it seems like the introduction would be going better if she were used to a bottle. The plastic cup seems incredibly foreign to her.
My Husband’s Role
My husband is a great dad. Sometimes though I feel like I have limited his role. He would love to be able to put H to bed or spend a whole day alone with her so I could have a break.
My husband has found other ways to have the significant role he desires outside of feedings. He is in charge of bath time, takes H on bike rides, and spends quality playing with her and giving me those short breaks.
Just to be clear he is a great dad. By exclusively breastfeeding though I pushed him out of any roll related to feeding her..until the introduction of solids of course.
The other huge factor is I don’t know what he would do in an emergency. If I were injured or hospitalized for any reason H would have been a complete mess and it would have been quite a struggle.
Bottle Feedings
With my next baby, I still want to breastfeed.
I don’t regret breastfeeding in itself.
Next time though I will use milk expressed via the Haakaa or breast pump and bottle feed periodically.
You can read more about my experience with the haakaa here, The Haakaa: a Simple, Affordable, and Effective tool for Breastfeeding Moms
I don’t know if that will mean one bottle a day or one bottle a week. But I do know it will happen and we will be consistent with doing so. I simply did not do this enough with my first baby.
I want my baby to be ok without me for whatever reason. I would rather introduce a bottle gently than have it forced on them later.
I also want to be able to take breaks. I want to be able to attend a social function or have a girl’s day and not feel tied to my baby. My husband is an equal parent and should be able to equally care for her.
My next baby will be comfortable taking a bottle. I will not make the mistake of exclusively breastfeeding from my body.
Conclusion
Some might argue after reading this that maybe breastfeeding isn’t the right route. I still believe it is a great thing. Our daughter received all the benefits from breast milk and we saved a butt-ton of money. Zero dollars were spent on formula. I don’t regret breastfeeding. I just tried to do it all and over-committed myself.
It is ok to accept help.
It is ok to give your baby a bottle.
It is also ok to use formula.
Don’t overextend yourself momma. Learn from my mistake and set yourself up so you can take breaks and accept help.
The bottle is not the enemy and can be a helpful tool!
Good luck to you on navigating your breastfeeding journey.
Remember to relax and take it one day at a time.
Check Out My Articles
The Haakaa: a Simple, Affordable, and Effective tool for Breastfeeding Moms
How to Stop Breastfeeding and Gently Wean Your Baby
From Birth to Baby’s First Birthday: My Top Takeaways as a New Mom
The Top 17 Advantages of Direct Breastfeeding Over Bottle Feeding
